without pumpkin - Day 11th

counting back from August 18th...
today is the 11th days I call him my friend...

from being that close, I had long forgotten how to be his friend....
used to received his morning call everyday....
receiving his msn "muacks" and "kisses"...with him calling me "my dear"...
having him asking me to cook...and seeing how much he enjoys my cooking..
thou I know..it was not that fantastic...
he make sure he wipe out all that i had made..even thou he is full...

such a fool..that i know all he wants is for me to be happy and smile...
however, the one who wanted me to smile and be happy most...
is the one that took the smile and happiness away....

not wrong to end with..but wrong to begin with...
knowing that it is wrong...i had tried all means to make it right..

trying to make it right...
i do not call him...knowing that i do not know wat to say..
and if anything i say would make him feel better...
trying not to meet him often..knowing that every meeting with him seems like we are getting used being friends...
every meeting comes with a good bye...
and i do not know and wish to say the formal...See you..or Good Bye..as i never know when is the next meetup..

every meet up in the past is called a date...
meeting up now..is called catching up....

11th day without his warm...hugs...kisses...
11th day without having his good nite and sleep tight...
11th day without hearing his calling me "my dear" / "pumpkin" / princess of genting lane (brunei)...
many many petnames i can think of...
11th day without him telling mi about what he wanted to do with his car...
11th day without him asking me if i misses him...

I would like to loudly tell him "I DO" and that i misses everything that he used to tell me...
and thinking back..sometime i used to think its boring...but just listening cos he looks happy talking about...
how excited he is everytime he talks about things he loves and enjoy...
just like a boy...

i misses this boy so much...
the boy i used to call him PUMPKIN...

his "beautiful girl"

He brought me to this song...
with this song, i knew i had loved again...

Reciting the lyrics again and again, i cant help but tear once again....
with this song that hooked and linked me back to "US".
with you beside me, i listen to this song...
with this song, i felt our love...

i told myself to not listen to this beautiful girl..
simply i cant...for this song just let me think of you...
thinking of you in my heart...
letting me recall the moment spent...
moment where me and you smile so bright...

listening to this song...i started to feel that i have lost you forever...
but you told me not to say forever and never...

but i know...forever you be in my heart..
i hope i would be deeply craved in yours...

with this simple song...with a beautiful story...
a beautiful story...i hope im forever your beautiful girl...

Beautiful girl, wherever you are
I knew when I saw you, you had opened the door
I knew that I'd love again
after a long, long while
I'd love again.
You said hello and I turned to go
But something in your eyes
left my heart beating so
I just knew that I'd love again
after a long, long while I'd love again.

It was destiny's game
For when love finally came on
I rushed in line only to find That you were gone.
Whenever you are,
I fear that I might Have lost you forever
like a song in the night
Now that I've loved again
after a long, long while
I've loved again.

It was destiny's game
For when love finally came on
I rushed in line only to find That you were gone.

Beautiful girl, I'll search on for you
'Til all of your loveliness in my arms come true
You've made me love again
after a long, long while
In love again
And I'm glad that it's you

Hmm, beautiful girl.

Once Upon A Time....

once upon a time...
i dream of a future that hold me and u....

once upon a time...
i pray for eternity for our loves to bloom...
from a small bud to a big pretti flower...

once upon a time...
i wish upon a star...to grant my wish come true..

upon the star, i pray...
pray for directions..pray for hopes and pray for dreams..
without dreams...i never imagine being with you would be so beautiful...
beautiful because you are in it...
beautiful because im with you...
beautiful because you gave me love...

staring into your eyes, tells me that i never want to leave you...
looking deep inside, tells me how much i love you...
i choose to turn away not because i do not love you...
its because i could no longer love you like before...

it hurts and break my heart..to having to leave you...
it hurts more when you told me you want me to know you realli love me....
it realli hurt deep inside...that i can feel the sour juice piercing into the wound of my heart...
so hurt till my tears jus flow without a stop...

I really hope that "I REALLY LOVE YOU" was from the bottom of your heart..
and not another phrase to make me feel better...
as my LOVING YOU has always been so pure and true....
keeping you back into my heart...the space which i had it all for you...

just wanna keep tat beautiful love we once hold...so close and tight...
hugging on to that pink round oink oink...to remind me..


we once loved...

love is like a boomerang

love hooked us since our 2000....
love linked us back during our 2008....
love tied us on our march 22....
love had binds us from then till now and had never stepped out from that heart that spells....
I LOVE YOU...

but...
love seems to had been pulled away....
holding me back from wanting to hug you so much...
showing me that wanting to hold on to you seems so far away...
you seems like miles away from my heart..

once held u so closely...
where i can feel ur breathing...
i can hear ur whisper...
i can feel ur touch...

however...there are some forces that seem to wanna pull mi away from you...
i know that our story will not end with
HAPPILY EVERY AFTER...

and knowing that i truely deeply...love you and would love to see the path ahead of us..
yet so misty..and so impossible....
very much I would wanna let you go...
release you from the arms of mine that wanna hold u so tightly...
but i just simply cant bear too...

i know i have to one day...
with everyday trying to make myself stronger and that i can smile and let u go totally..
giving you back the lifestyle u had lead before i step into your beautiful painting...

it really took mi great courage to alw wanna to show u how happy i am with that ear to ear smile that hang on my face whenever u r around...
for one thing i know...u do add colours on my faces and the smile just twinkles for you...

I LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE...
I LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU MAKE ME...
I LOVE YOU FOR THE GIVING ME THE DREAMS THAT I PAINTED IN MY MIND...
I LOVE YOU FOR GIVING ME THE CHANCE TO ONCE CALL U MINE...

I LOVE YOU BABY...
I LOVE YOU PUMPKIN...
I LOVE YOU MY DEAR...
LOVE YOU LOTS MY SB...
MY BOYFRIEND/MY MAN/MY GUY...

I LOVE YOU and i am sure i will love you forever....
you just crave that little space in that heart that beats when i see u...
beats faster when i kiss u...beats faster and faster when u hold mi and tell mi you love me...

after giving me the dreams..the hugs...the love..the kisses...and everything that you had given...
for NOW....give me some time to let you go...give me some courage to turn my back away from you.... give me the strength to hold back my tears...

for I know...once i let go...its will spells...



FOREVER...