without pumpkin - Day 11th

counting back from August 18th...
today is the 11th days I call him my friend...

from being that close, I had long forgotten how to be his friend....
used to received his morning call everyday....
receiving his msn "muacks" and "kisses"...with him calling me "my dear"...
having him asking me to cook...and seeing how much he enjoys my cooking..
thou I know..it was not that fantastic...
he make sure he wipe out all that i had made..even thou he is full...

such a fool..that i know all he wants is for me to be happy and smile...
however, the one who wanted me to smile and be happy most...
is the one that took the smile and happiness away....

not wrong to end with..but wrong to begin with...
knowing that it is wrong...i had tried all means to make it right..

trying to make it right...
i do not call him...knowing that i do not know wat to say..
and if anything i say would make him feel better...
trying not to meet him often..knowing that every meeting with him seems like we are getting used being friends...
every meeting comes with a good bye...
and i do not know and wish to say the formal...See you..or Good Bye..as i never know when is the next meetup..

every meet up in the past is called a date...
meeting up now..is called catching up....

11th day without his warm...hugs...kisses...
11th day without having his good nite and sleep tight...
11th day without hearing his calling me "my dear" / "pumpkin" / princess of genting lane (brunei)...
many many petnames i can think of...
11th day without him telling mi about what he wanted to do with his car...
11th day without him asking me if i misses him...

I would like to loudly tell him "I DO" and that i misses everything that he used to tell me...
and thinking back..sometime i used to think its boring...but just listening cos he looks happy talking about...
how excited he is everytime he talks about things he loves and enjoy...
just like a boy...

i misses this boy so much...
the boy i used to call him PUMPKIN...